January 1, 2010 at 11:24 pm (My Poetry)
Tags: Children, Christmas, Jodine Derena Butler, love, poem, poems, poetry
1.
Love is truly blind.
The disparity between conditional
and unconditional love -
and the lack of understanding for either,
peels back the layers of my heaving chest
slicing my heart into thin strips.
2.
Silence is punishment.
Feelings and wounds left unsaid, fester
their very existence is denied.
Children birthed from pleasure and pain
turn their back and forget where life began -
throwing their toys at the indignity of it all.
3.
The sound of silence is deafening.
Vengeful breakers crash on my shoreline -
forcibly taking back what was un-given.
I am being stripped away to bare bones
my flesh eroding
my bleeding heart displaced
I let it all wash over me
but I am not mechanical.
My soul out-pours frequently drained
every orifice is like a tidal wave of emotion
ripping through and of me
till I am nothing more than driftwood
4.
My world is full of strangers.
Loved ones who don’t know the meaning of love.
I feel unprotected.
My fingernails are raw and bloody
for clinging tooth and nail
holding on for dear life and limb
5.
My heart has the unfortunate tendency to feel.
I am reminded constantly that I fail
repeatedly
my life can be described as heartbreaking at best
and devoid at worst
there is no in-between
When protection is taken for granted
and I am gutted,
every fibre of my being recoils and retreats.
She tells me to foetal
and she cradles my broken parts.
She is all that I have left
6.
I am a free bird.
Riding the salted earth and spray.
I am my own gift.
Nothing can touch me except the wind.
He reminds me that I am
alive
© Copyright 2010 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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November 21, 2009 at 3:54 pm (My Poetry, Relationships)
Tags: Domestic Violence, Jodine Derena Butler, poem, poems, poetry, relationship, Relationship Series
‘Gimme the money!’
he said
in my face
my face staring straight
long lashes pointing like cutty grass
sharpening a knife
on edge
‘Gimme the keys!’
she said
between two unfinished corners
footsteps sidestepping a rusty nail
tripping over indignity
as it crawled between the wall space
catacombs
‘Gimme the fucking money!’
‘Gimme the fucking keys!’
a grab, a push and a shove
takes the piss, misses the bowl by a mile
handbags with long straps are useless.
Max was only vinyl like a 45
with a great big hole in the middle
only good for one thing
my arm hurts my shoulder plug
ripped from its wall socket
my power bill standing on end
like the hairs on the back of my neck
I guess he got the money
I can’t figure out where he left the keys
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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October 15, 2009 at 3:29 am (My Poetry)
Tags: Creative Writing, infidelity, Jodine Derena Butler, Kiwi Poetry, New Zealand Poetry, NZ Poetry, poem, poems, poetry, Poetry Out West
When I turn my back
on love
I fall from grace
face first
down the slippery slope
off the straight and narrow
I am a Fool
for taking that first step
blindly, like the child I am
my wide grin becomes me
and my pearly whites flash
brief moments of pure brilliance
I lose sight of love
and for a split second
I am left winded
clutching at straws
that seem to stick to me
like bidibids
Once again I am chastened
and all that I have become
hangs on one long bated breath
my fingertips trace the outline
of your stoic shadow
I watch you fade to black, petrified
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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September 29, 2009 at 4:13 am (My Poetry, love)
Tags: infidelity, Jodine Derena Butler, love, marriage, memories, poem, poems, poetry, relationship
I found my heart
on the borderline
of too late
just in time;
a fine lined
delicate box
inlaid with
criss-crossed
tongue and groove
timber framed
and paper thin -
(such was the state it was in)
I found my heart
shaped box
tucked away
under the debris;
no recognition
of her guild
thick-skin scarred
tiny cracks
intricate and interlaced
weather worn
like washed up
driftwood
I found my heart
a mantle piece
and set it
alongside a glass
vase filled
with Red Poppies
her lip sealed
tightly shut
innocence and sin
full trust
representative of love
anaesthetised by pain
I found my heart
magnified by you
and you’re telescope
my vision opaque
like liquid amber
in silver teardrop earrings;
in remembrance of
friendships once
lost to train wrecks
a heart shaped
box filled with
precious memories
is where I found my heart
in all her glory -
thinking of you
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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July 26, 2009 at 12:52 am (My Poetry, therapy)
Tags: Jodine Derena Butler, poem, poems, poetry, therapy
behavioural voice-over-exposed
negatives framing in the framed
eyes flashing a faded smile
ruminating; pessimism
utterances salivate like predator and prey
recycling the truth – defying natural laws
predator and prey become one
impulsive machinations S C R E A M
in the face of boundaries and trust – or lack of
limited to ones own imagination
wonders never cease to amaze
here in the recesses of my mind
I control the masses
giving voice to unspeakable shame
I am like the freedom march
my own prison; a running scared commentary
my shank is chipping away at the mortar
leaving remnants to slip
protection and self worth are
inextricably linked
for my own good
my inner critic my own worst enemy
here;
the righteous and the wicked seek refuge
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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May 30, 2009 at 3:02 am (My Poetry, Song)
Tags: Jodine Derena Butler, justice, morality, poem, poems, poetry, Song
voiceless mouths, speaking in tongues
a Holy communion of mass construction
innocuous enemys lurking in the shadows
I call out your name
let the wind carry me away
cavernous cities, hosts in a concrete spiderweb
of lies and deceit
I found you there in consumation therapy
caught between justice and morality
tidal waves of emotion drench me senseless
I am swept away
Geographica, a worldwide phenomenon
faces with no eyes collide
I want them to collide
the other side of us doubles over
observations cast the first stone
an eye for an answer
an ear for a loan
I want you to carry me away
carry me back home
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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May 23, 2009 at 2:33 am (My Poetry, Relationships)
Tags: divorce, Jodine Derena Butler, memories, poem, poems, poetry, Relationship Series, seperation
feeling the sun on my face
turned upward to meet your gaze
those furrowed lines line carvings
splitting rivers of skin further apart now
a permanent marker
I notice you; you’re living lines played out on my page
rays pierce my canvas of you and I seek solace
closing my eyes I forget about how it was
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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May 14, 2009 at 11:57 pm (My Poetry)
Tags: healing, Jodine Derena Butler, kawakawa, maori, maori medicine, medicine, neruda, poem, poems, poetry
The plant of altered
medicine,
strong,
in all green mist,
blue river,
filtered in beams,
a giant
within the walkways,
a holy scar
in the towns:
the poison and the trauma
are heavy,
soil us
in the mind
like cesspools of tar,
with stalking black arrows,
they torment
our soul
with invisible fingers,
with cold blankets,
and the skin
suffers
more than every bone:
the blood
becomes urgent,
the spirit,
the heart, the mouth:
we want to taste
mountains,
the yellow summer breeze,
the Rain Forrest,
and then
most sustaining of all
the seeds bursts
the earth,
the heady, magnificent,
lifegiving KawaKawa.
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All rights Reserved
(appropriated from part of Ode to the Watermelon, Neruda, Pablo and Cesar Vallejo)
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April 24, 2009 at 1:39 am (Horror, My Poetry)
Tags: goth, Gothic, Horror, Jodine Derena Butler, poem, poems, poetry
As darkness falls and ghouls doth prowl
and hells black gate upon thee growls
its creaking moan bewitched with fright
opens wide into the night
fiendish ghouls who scour the dirge
of mortal blood and soulless ones
beseeching those in grave despair
to haunt and snatch their bleeding fear
and blood lies pooled in mortal sin
breathing foul amidst the din
the ghouls they come with fiery eyes
and laughter as they ride the skies
drawing near to slake their thirst
their evil reign desiring curse
in their thousands they doth come
circling prey and guileless ones
suckling on our bleeding hearts
their lust for blood and pain and such
they shriek and soar and dip and dive
in and out our mortal lives
tearing at our wounded scars
paralysing us with farce
they eat until they can no more
our souls left withered at deaths door
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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April 18, 2009 at 11:50 pm (My Poetry, Relationships)
Tags: divorce, Jodine Derena Butler, marriage, poem, poems, poetry, relationship, Relationship Series, seperation
Our hearts, snatching moments
filled with remorse, vehement
in truths. open
sesame, seeds sown
willy nilly in back yard hovels -
dining on scraps
while junkyard dogs
howl
Our time, spent
gorging on coronary
disbelief, tethered.
strings like chains,
embedded
in injustice, cross over
invisible lines,
seperated by fools
Our past, mirrored
back and forth,
etched early Victorian
details beautifully inscribed.
a time of certainty,
in knowing places, my
fractious splinters
rendered
Our life, stapled
to Tea-chests in storage
cubby holes, cramped
piled high walls.
lived in once, now
embroidered in newspaper
cuttings – yesterday’s
old news
Ours, together
demoralised. sucked dry,
used but(t)s,
in overflowing
ashtrays; crutches
stubbed into cajoled corners.
ashes to dust
till death do us part
© Copyright 2009 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
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